Every year, I take stock of the year just past, the things that went well, those that didn’t and what I want to achieve in the year to come (Click Here to read my previous resolutions). In 2023, I want to focus on dating. I want to be in a healthy, happy, stable, non-toxic, long-term relationship. There is no shame in being honest about what I want and I’m confessing it here. I have set only one resolution for 2023 – I want to be the date I want to date.
It’s that simple. I want to be everything that I want in my partner. And I’m not talking about aesthetics here, though I have rejoined the gym 😂 People tend to have a general list of preferred emotional qualities – kind, thoughtful, loving, respectful etc. Who doesn’t want those in their partner? But what does that actually look like in reality? How do I become the date I want to date?
My eyes have opened to the real “gospel” and I realise that there is nothing wrong with a woman approaching a guy.
Be pro-active | My cultural and religious background dictated that men did the approaching not women so that’s how I have always done dating. Women who approached guys were “fast” and I am not so…😒 Except now the same church and aunties are talking about the story of Ruth finding her Boaz where before they were talking about “a man who finds a wife”. My eyes have opened to the real “gospel” and I realise there is nothing wrong with a woman approaching a guy. In Denmark where I live, it’s completely the norm and some guys even seem to prefer it. So I need to find my balls and start running men down in the street. Pray for me; I have too much pride for rejection! 😭
Be fun, engaging and interesting | I love to laugh. I love having fun. I’m completely unserious. And I want all of that in my partner. But along the way, I know I have become seriously disillusioned with dating in recent years which has probably reflected in my own demeanour on the dates I’ve been on in that time. My recent experience of dating has been supremely boring and seriously lacking in banter; maybe because of culture clashes and not understanding how guys do things here (FYI a walk for a first date is not normally my idea of fun!). But it’s time for a reset and fresh energy. I will take responsibility for the banter I want to experience on any date I go on. I shall ensure I have fun and my date has fun too. I want it to be a pleasure to meet me even if it doesn’t go anywhere beyond that date.
Be creative | I mentioned above that I have struggled with men’s ideas of what it is to date here. Well, since I’ve resolved to be more proactive and I know what I enjoy, I’m about to start planning some fun dates and/or offering up some genius dating suggestions to my dates. My dating life is about to be 🔥
Don’t flake | I am a reformed flake… at least with my friends, but I will confess that I have been a prolific flake when it comes to dating in recent years. Once I got in my head and was like “it will probably be a boring date”, my next thought was “then why bother?” and then I cancel. Wrong attitude and time for a shift. So I will do my best to always ensure I go to everything I have committed to going to, including dates. And whilst I’m at it…
Be fully present | This means removing all distractions, emptying my mind of everything else so I am fully focused on the person I am meeting and only them. No checking messages on the phone (I usually put it on “Do Not Disturb”) or reflecting on work stuff or allowing any other stuff to take up mental real estate during the date.
Be spontaneous | One of my big bugbears is how NOT spontaneous people are here. But if I’m honest, I have also become a bit of a stick in the mud. So 2023, I shall be ready for action and fun at any time. Ok, hold on. The cold weather is a major impediment to that so I will fight the urge to stay in as much as I can. Actually, maybe this part gets implemented around March/April 2023 cos I’m not Jesus, I can’t do everything all at once! 😭
Only go on dates that I truly believe have potential | There’s a saying that I love – I don’t have time to waste time – and this is especially true in the dating sphere for me. I don’t want to waste any time – mine or anyone else’s. No more “practice dates” or dates “just to fill the time”. As well as only going on dates with real potential (IMHO), I will endeavour to be clear on my intentions (without being super intense and creepy). No game-playing here!
Be positive and open-minded | Real talk, dating is exhausting and it’s hard to keep the positive energy up. Especially when it just doesn’t feel like you’re meeting guys with real relationship potential for whatever reason. Add to the fact that it feels like it’s so hard to meet guys IRL in general (someone please advise where middle-aged single guys hang out!) and God knows I’m not going back to the apps. But I’m really going to try to remain positive and keep an open mind about the dates I go on. I want them to have positive thoughts about me, right?
Some of the above, I’m already doing, some I need to do more of, some I need to start. Long and short of it is that 2023 is going to be a year of amazing dates for me. No more bad dates allowed. Dating life is about to be LIT! Yaaaaaaassssssssssssssss!
